The Sea Can't Be Sweet part 1: Goodbye

[Little Cat]

Part (1): Goodbye


Under the blue sky
They fell on their knees,
A crying girl and a guy
With the pain expressed with tears
Sadly the guy smiled,
The saddest could ever be
"My angel, don't you cry,
Your tears are killing me
This won't be a last goodbye
Just wait and you will see"
But how could she fake a smile
Or even hide her tears?
"Without you, I would die
My love, don't you leave!"
Bitterly, she said to the guy
Who was staring at the sea
He stood with no reply
Sinking through his dreams
And thoughts filled his mind,
How sunny days would be
"I'll leave this world behind
And the richest, I will be"
He'd changed, the girl realized
Not the one she loved, who's he?
"How could your eyes shine
Though I'm not the one they'll see?
Your whole love was a lie,
The sweetest can ever be
You'll go and my tears won't dry
Before you return to me"
He looked into her eyes
Where pain mixed with fear,
Saw her as if for the last time
And then he had to leave
And soon the day was a night
As the ship disappeared..
And the darkest days went by
Followed by darker years..

Written last winter 2009
To be continued..

[Hamza23]

am sorry i didnt comment on it earlier


i wont comment i c the full poem

btw how many parts is it??

hhh

a novel right

[Little Cat]

Hey Duaa, comment now please. I don't know if I'm going to ever finish this, I stay up at night trying to write but in vain, the inspiration is gone and maybe gone forever, haven't written in ages and I think you've noticed that from the dates of my every poem published here
I've got a plan, and it's a long story but a nice one, but I find it hard to continue the way I started, this should be a three part poem, but may make it a part shorter or longer.. All that matters is that I wish for people to honestly tell what they like and what they don't cause that would help me solve some problems facing me nowadays whenever I try to write

[Hamza23]

well in the beginning u didnt really show the setting of the place

but then by the end u showed that they r breakin up because the guy has to leave (i guess)

well it is a well written poem i like it

i really do like it

[Little Cat]

Thanks Duaa ^^, good poets write the half of what they wish to tell and let the readers discover the other half by their own but didn't use that anyway, cause I can't keep myself from telling everything (never tell me your secrets lol) so I used something else which is not writing everything together and let actions and quotes explain where that was and why she was crying.. I need to write the second part but don't know how to start it.. I'll be eating chocolate until inspiration comes

[Hamza23]

اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Little Cat [فقط الأعضاء المسجلين والمفعلين يمكنهم رؤية الوصلات . إضغط هنا للتسجيل]
Thanks Duaa ^^, good poets write the half of what they wish to tell and let the readers discover the other half by their own but didn't use that anyway, cause I can't keep myself from telling everything (never tell me your secrets lol) so I used something else which is not writing everything together and let actions and quotes explain where that was and why she was crying.. I need to write the second part but don't know how to start it.. I'll be eating chocolate until inspiration comes


i have an idea how u can start the other one

u can explain how at night the girl looks at the stars and talk as if he can hear her

and maybe in the end show that they finally met once more and the guy felt the same for her as she does

maybe u can add something like he explains what went wrong

[Little Cat]

Um sorry Duaa but I already have got my plans which won't give this a happy ending, cause this happy ending would make this just a story without hidden meanings, I just need to find where to start that's all. I'll make you cry hehe

Thank you very much for suggestions, will remember them when I write my next story if I ever get inspiration and courage to write again

[Hamza23]

اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Little Cat [فقط الأعضاء المسجلين والمفعلين يمكنهم رؤية الوصلات . إضغط هنا للتسجيل]
Um sorry Duaa but I already have got my plans which won't give this a happy ending, cause this happy ending would make this just a story without hidden meanings, I just need to find where to start that's all. I'll make you cry hehe

Thank you very much for suggestions, will remember them when I write my next story if I ever get inspiration and courage to write again




wow u r emo (kidding hhh )

but y do u want to make it sad??

start with night as i said (she couldnt sleep )


and dont worry am made out of iron hhh i dont cry hhh

[Little Cat]

Ironic Duaa hehe, I already have the story in my mind and the only one was told of it is my brother, and he liked it, now it's turn for the story to become a poem so noway to make it happy

Starting with night is a good idea, this will help for sure, thank you =^^= meow

[Hamza23]

اقتباس:
المشاركة الأصلية كتبت بواسطة Little Cat [فقط الأعضاء المسجلين والمفعلين يمكنهم رؤية الوصلات . إضغط هنا للتسجيل]
Ironic Duaa hehe, I already have the story in my mind and the only one was told of it is my brother, and he liked it, now it's turn for the story to become a poem so noway to make it happy

Starting with night is a good idea, this will help for sure, thank you =^^= meow





u can always have a happy ending even by sayin she forgot about him